Previous Posts in this Series:
Malfunctioning Items at Kinko’s, v.1
Malfunctioning Items at Kinko’s, v.2

Date of Visit: Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Time of Visit: 12:15 PM
Location: Oakland on Lakeshore
Project: British Airways Punk Rock Poster (final version), Graphic Design Studio 2

Malfunctioning Items:

1) The color printer attached to the self-service computers, which smeared random ink shapes on my punk rock poster, making it even more punk rock. This almost worked, but not quite.
2) The color printer behind the counter. I gave my file to one of the employees to print after it was clear there was a toner issue with the other printer (I tried printing twice). The second printer provided yet more random added elements.

I thought it might be my PDF file (unlikely given the specifics of the problems, but possible), but it printed 100% perfectly at the print shop I took it to later that afternoon. I guess Murphy’s law holds especially true at Kinko’s.

Time Spent in Store: 20 minutes
Time I Would Have Spent if All Systems Were Go: 5 minutes
Nice Employees Encountered: 2 - they refunded my money cheerfully and were quick to help
Annoying Employees Encountered: 0
End Product: absolutely nothing
Why I Continue to Patronize Kinko’s: I might not! One of my coworkers recommended a place called Copymat, which is conveniently located 6 blocks from my place. They are amazing - fast, high-quality, and, best of all, cheap. I paid $1.18 for a tabloid-size color print - this would have cost $1.98 at Kinko’s. Rock on, Copymat…

This is a photo of an actual Starbuck’s coffee cup. It was photoshopped for clarity, but none of the content was changed. Click on the image for a larger version.

This is a girl:

This is an adult woman:

NOT A GIRL. Refresh your vocabulary.

Happy International Women’s Day! Check out more blogging against sexism via vegankid’s blog.

Previous Post in this Series: Malfunctioning Items at Kinko’s, v.1

Would-Be User of Malfunctioning Items: S, an acquaintance of mine
Date of Visit: Monday, March 6, 2006
Time of Visit: AM
Location: Oakland on Lakeshore
Project: One 3-page Word document

Malfunctioning Items:

1) The first computer station she tried
2) The second computer station she tried

Time Spent in Store: 30 minutes
Time She Would Have Spent if All Systems Were Go: 5 minutes
Consequences of the High Rate of Malfunctioning Items: Late for a job interview.
Lesson Learned: If you have to go to Kinko’s, block out at least 10x the amount of time you need to be sure to make it to your next appointment.
Additional Lesson Learned: This is because Kinko’s sucks and does not properly maintain its equipment.

This is the beginning of what I anticipate to be a long-running series. The object is to prove my previously mentioned thesis that the hellmouth lies not under Sunnydale, CA, but instead beneath the far more evil Kinko’s. A useful side effect of this project is that it will allow me to vent my frustration online to our loyal readership and to anyone who Googles “Kinko’s” and scrolls through enough hits to reach this website. Admittedly, that is a lot of scrolling, but it still makes me feel good. The Internet is a powerful tool for the passive-aggressive bashing of corporate monsters.

Without further ado:

Date of Visit: Thursday, March 2, 2006
Times of Visits: 2:30 PM and 4:45 PM
Location: Oakland City Center
Project: British Airways Punk Rock Poster, Graphic Design Studio 2

Malfunctioning Items:

1) The credit card reader for the Mac Design station
2) The computer for the only other Mac Design station
3) The machine that dispenses the Kinko’s value cards
4) The computer’s ability to charge the correct, not double-the-correct amount for prints, resulting in my not being able to print two copies of my poster without logging off the computer and putting more money on my card
5) The paper cutter, resulting in my shredding the one copy I was able to print

Time Spent in Store: 45 minutes
Time I Would Have Spent if All Systems Were Go: 10 minutes
Nice Employees Encountered: 2
Annoying Employees Encountered: 2
Why I Continue to Patronize Kinko’s: They have a monopoly on self-service printing.