A woman boards the N Judah in the financial district, sporting the following:

• A beautiful wool coat that fits perfectly, either because she has the figure of a model or because it was custom tailored
• Flawlessly applied makeup that strikes the perfect balance between Fresh-Faced Youth and Socialite With an Agenda
• Hair so expertly highlighted it could almost, but not quite, be attributed to genetics instead of a pricey stylist
• Two identically designed shoes, each of which match her outfit, despite the fact that they are different colors

Yay, snow! Northfield, Minnesota:

I hope his insurance covers straight-up stupidity - from sfgate.com:

Art dealers in the region should be on the lookout for stolen prints after a dozen lithographs, including a signed and numbered reproduction of Andy Warhol’s “Marilyn Monroe,” were lifted from a car in San Francisco earlier this month, police said. The 12 prints, all of which were signed and numbered, were stolen out of a car parked in the Stonestown Galleria Shopping Center on Feb. 3, said San Francisco police Inspector Vince Repetto. The owner, who values the art at approximately $250,000, had just come from a local gallery, Repetto said, and left the prints in his car while he ran into the mall.

In honor of my alma mater’s discontinuation of its stereotyped Native American mascot, allow me to present a recreation of one of the more memorable protest signs I saw on the issue:

The reference here, of course, is to stadium cushions. Some moron had the bright idea to place “Chief Illiniwek,” the “honored symbol” of the University of Illinois, on these butt warmers, as well as on toilet paper, beer steins, and a variety of other paraphernalia decidedly inappropriate for a religious figure.

Those representations disappeared years ago, as the anti-”Chief” movement gained momentum, as did claims of the halftime dance’s authenticity, and the argument that any Native American organization or community in the country was not actively opposed to the use of Indian mascots. Additionally, I saw the campus climate change dramatically from the time I arrived at the University in 1996 to 2005, when I left town. I remember speaking out against the “Chief” in my freshman sociology class and worrying that my classmates would start throwing stuff at me; nine years later, seeing an anti-”chief” t-shirt was relatively commonplace.

Well, the inevitable has happened. After (and as a direct result of) eighteen years of community organizing, “Chief Illiniwek” is no more. Good riddance - but I’m going to miss those protest signs.

and tired of being sick:

But at last I can drink my cough syrup out of my I (heart) Baseball shot glass. I scored the glass when I was three by screaming “I WANT THE BABY GLASS!!!” in a Cooperstown gift shop until my parents stopped trying to explain that it was, in fact, for grown-ups and simply bought it. I then made them serve my cranberry juice to me one shot at a time.

Photo Credit: traviscrawford

Ohmigod it’s a bomb! No, wait, it’s a harmless but obscene lite-brite! Aaaaahhhhh somebody save us from the terrorists!

If you haven’t heard, Turner Broadcasting is under fire for a guerrilla marketing scheme involving the posting of light boxes around various US cities to advertise a late-night show called “Aqua Teen Hunger Force.” Apparently, the boxes were largely ignored in all cities except Boston, which un-promptly (it took several weeks for anyone to notice) called in the bomb squads based on the observation that the boxes:

had a very sinister appearance … [they] had a batter[ies] behind [them], and wires. (source: CNN)

Of course, there are a variety of points of analysis here - stupidity on a number of levels; the concept of disaster preparedness; the nostalgia generated by the concept of a lite-brite. However, what interests me is the media’s reaction to the debacle. CNN chose to report on Sean Stevens and Peter Berdovsky, the two men responsible for actually installing the devices, as opposed to the macro level question of who hired them to do so. The answer, of course, is Turner Broadcasting, CNN’s parent company. Though the article does state that:

the scares sparked criticism of Turner Broadcasting System Inc., the parent company of CNN

in a tiny paragraph within a 1400-word article, it mostly focuses on scapegoating Stevens and Berdovsky, who were charged with creating a panic. On the upside, the judge presiding over the hearing seemed skeptical of their intent to do any harm.

My absolute favorite part of the article is this:

At a news conference after the hearing, Stevens and Berdovsky stepped to the microphones and said they were taking questions only about 1970s hairstyles.

When a reporter accused them of not taking the situation seriously, Stevens responded, “We’re taking it very seriously.” Asked another question about the case, Stevens reiterated they were answering questions only about hair and accused the reporter of not taking him and Berdovsky seriously.

To watch the video of the press conference, click here to go to Alternet.

So there you have it: glowing cartoon characters, corporate greed, corporate solidarity (or self-preservation), and hair. Four crucial elements in American culture.

All quotes from CNN. For other coverage, see the Boston Globe, Alternet, the BBC, and the Washington Post.

My hallway nook seemed the perfect spot for this:

Source: a street vendor in China, via Ravi.