Dear Logan,

It is with great regret that I must inform you that my golden days of enjoying air travel are waning. With this is mind, I wish to relate to you afterthoughts from a recent experience in your airport.

• If a location exists within the airport that, theoretically, might be a place people would want to go, adequate signage is imperative. For example, if one’s goal is to reach “Terminal B”, it should be easily accessible from “Terminal A”. It is not acceptable to post several teaser signs only to have travelers arrive at a vast expanse of open space devoid of any further direction to “Terminal B”.
• All maps must include a “You Are Here” indicator.
• If “Gate 9b” exists within the elusive “Terminal B”, it is again wise to provide some guidance as to how to reach said location. This is useful in validating that the gate actually exists and is not a figment of the “Departures” screen’s imagination. It is not helpful to gleefully and repeatedly direct travelers toward “Gates 22-36″ and “Gates 37-73″ with no mention of gates 1-21.
• It is paramount that connecting travelers not be subjected to a second security check within the airport. This may result in the following: a) forgetting that one purchased a (greater than 3-ounce) bottle of juice, expecting to hold onto it until one was good and ready to drink it, and b) forgetting that one painstakingly packed toiletries in the required 3-ounce containers within the mandatory Ziploc™ bag, causing one to leave them in one’s bag and subsequently panic that one may be subjected to a Homeland Security interrogation, only to find that the security employees won’t even notice these errant items.
• It might be useful to train security check employees to be more selective about the interpretation of possibly lethal items. It is very, very frustrating to stand in Security Lane 1, which happens to be the only one open, only to hear the constant drone of “Bag check! Bag check on one!” It is also ironic when one’s potentially dangerous shampoo sails through the scanner without comment.
• Do not allow yuppie chains with names like “Curritos: Burritos WIthout Borders” to set up shop.
• Provide recycling bins.

In short, do not cause travelers to wander in circles desperately hoping that a magic trapdoor to “Gate B9b” will open, only to present the fabulous consolation prize of a second trip through security. Also, be more selective regarding dining options, and give people a non-landfill option for the disposal of plastic bottles containing juice rapidly chugged before the unexpected security visit.

Janna
Resigned Traveler

craigslist gems of the week:

• I am a late 20’s professional male looking for a cute girl to live in my 3 bedroom flat in North Beach and cook, clean and massage.
• NO FUCKING DRUGS, no PETS no VEGANS OR SMOKERS welcome please , I am open very easy going
• I’m a recently widowed, liberal, open-minded, bisexual, 33 year young, financially set, female who lives the alternate nudist/exhibitionist lifestyle … the only light duties that you will be required to do in exchange for FREE RENT living here are things like taking out the trash, skimming the pool, sweeping the garage, and driving my deceased husband’s Porsche 911 (which is parked in the garage) to keep the engine and tires in good condition.
• No pets, no republicans
• Rental range from $l,600 to $2,200 per month (suiting particular arrangements and perks) …This situation hosts quiet private accommodation for a guest, attached to a house with gracious (straight) gentlemen present
• You must be environmentally friendly and must NOT be a Bush supporter!
• $750 large room for rent girl only [funny only if you consider the colloquial definition of “rent boy” and imagine a gender swap]