Bitty Birdies

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Duke Gardens

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When Children Socialize With Academics

When you visit your mom, tidbits from your childhood have a tendency to find their way out of dusty boxes and long-forgotten files to illustrate just what an odd kid you were. This visit home has been no different: my mom dredged up the “dissertation” I wrote when I was eight years old.

My mom was a graduate student in Anthropology until I was ten. This means that, aside from my own peers, the people I socialized with were her fellow anthro folks. I sold my magic marker drawings to her advisor, hung out in her lab, and attended parties at which I talked to drunk intellectuals about fossils, Darwin, and demography.

At some point, I figured, “hey, if everyone else is writing a dissertation, maybe I’ll take a stab at it”. I settled on a study of the “Poligy People”, Poligy being a toddler pronunciation of Anthropology that stuck around.

Here’s the cover, written on a bank freebie memo pad:

My initial one-on-one interview, with a woman who focused on archaeology:

A burning question Robin sought to answer with her fieldwork:

The (plausible) explanation she came up with:

An illustration accompanying my second and final interview. Realistic, no?

I did not think to have my subjects sign consent forms authorizing the publication of this material. My mom, who has since completed her PhD and now advises researchers on human subjects-related ethics, will likely arrange it so that I’ll never be “published” again. However, I will argue that my work’s online presence is necessary for the good of humanity, which supercedes annoyances like informed consent. After all, the world needs to know how Egypt is really shaped.

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The Trees, They’re Plotting

While at the Muir Woods last weekend, I noticed an important detail near the entrance:

Little did I know that the trees do not just spend their time being big and mysterious and primeval and all that – they are also actively plotting revolutions.

Here is a group exercising its right to free assembly:

And a self-righteous tree that no doubt considers itself a pillar of justice:

The moral of this story is that you can’t trust nature. It keeps smug secrets that require the protection of the national park service. For a very telling and witty description of just how devastating this can be, read my friend Zach’s blog. However, you must start from the beginning post, so start at the bottom and read your way up. Key terms for the skeptical and/or lazy about clicking links: bunnies, french, terrorists, seductive guerrilla.

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It Wouldn’t be PC to Brand Her a Slut…

…so I guess we’ll have to settle for “liar”.

That seems to be the mindset of the Duke lacrosse players’ attorneys. And of course, of the media and anyone who takes CNN at face value.

In case you’ve been protesting the corporatization and homogenization of the mass media by boycotting anything news-related, here’s a summary of what is going on:

• Last month, Duke University’s lacrosse team, which has a longstanding reputation for being really obnoxious, had a party for which they hired two strippers.
• Both strippers left at some point because they felt uncomfortable with the atmosphere. One was persuaded to return.
• The woman who returned to the party was raped by three members of the lacrosse team.
• She reported the assault, and two players were charged with rape.
• The lacrosse coach quit and the accused players were kicked out of school.

Note: all of this is “alleged”, of course.

Durham, NC, where Duke is located, is a community where enormous tensions around race and class already exist. This case has magnified those issues, and, according to my mom, who lives in the next town over, things are mighty tense over there. The accused are priveleged white students at an elite university. The accuser is a black woman who is stripping to put herself through a less prestigious school. The whole thing is, depending on the outcome, a veritable time bomb.

Now, about that title…the media was very careful to handle this story delicately. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that outright vilifying the rape victim would be a very bad idea under these circumstances. However, I knew they’d find a way to discredit her eventually, and here it is:

She filed a sexual assault report ten years ago and did not follow through with the investigation.

If you read the CNN article here, you will notice it is never overtly stated that this means she was lying. Nor does it state that, therefore, she is probably lying this time. Instead, the article is written in such a way that it assumes the reader would logically come to that conclusion, because what other answer could there be? Well, here are a few scenarios in which dropping the case makes sense:

• She reported the rape several years after it occurred. This means that there would be no physical evidence, which in turn means little chance the case would ever be charged, because it would be virtually impossible to get a conviction. In this situation, the case is usually closed.
• Reporting a rape is traumatic. The victim has to relive the experience by describing it in great detail, usually to several different people. Many survivors discover that they cannot or do not want to continue.
• There are many amazing, empathetic cops out there, but there are awful ones as well. When I was a rape crisis advocate I had a case in which a detective told my client that she couldn’t have been raped because she removed her own shoes. She walked out of the police department feeling worse than she did going in. Yes, that is an extreme example, but it’s not the only instance in which I saw a police officer’s attitude dissuade a survivor from pursuing the case.

I don’t understand why people are so quick to blame rape victims for the actions of their attackers. Why isn’t our collective reaction, “wow, this woman has been gang-raped twice. How incredibly awful”, instead of “yeah, I knew she was lying”? I have enormous respect for this woman, because her life must be a living hell right now. I don’t understand why anyone believes she would subject herself to this experience for attention, or for revenge, or for any other lame reason. Think about it, people. This is no one’s idea of fun.

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The Master Plan Is In Effect

Last month, I started a series entitled “Malfunctioning Items at Kinko’s”. As stated in the original post,

The object is to prove my previously mentioned thesis that the hellmouth lies not under Sunnydale, CA, but instead beneath the far more evil Kinko’s. A useful side effect of this project is that it will allow me to vent my frustration online to our loyal readership and to anyone who Googles “Kinko’s” and scrolls through enough hits to reach this website. Admittedly, that is a lot of scrolling, but it still makes me feel good. The Internet is a powerful tool for the passive-aggressive bashing of corporate monsters.

Well, I have my first hit. Someone found this blog today by googling “kinkos sucks 2006″. Long live the World Wide Web.

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Malfunctioning Items at Kinko’s, v.3

Previous Posts in this Series:
Malfunctioning Items at Kinko’s, v.1
Malfunctioning Items at Kinko’s, v.2

Date of Visit: Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Time of Visit: 12:15 PM
Location: Oakland on Lakeshore
Project: British Airways Punk Rock Poster (final version), Graphic Design Studio 2

Malfunctioning Items:

1) The color printer attached to the self-service computers, which smeared random ink shapes on my punk rock poster, making it even more punk rock. This almost worked, but not quite.
2) The color printer behind the counter. I gave my file to one of the employees to print after it was clear there was a toner issue with the other printer (I tried printing twice). The second printer provided yet more random added elements.

I thought it might be my PDF file (unlikely given the specifics of the problems, but possible), but it printed 100% perfectly at the print shop I took it to later that afternoon. I guess Murphy’s law holds especially true at Kinko’s.

Time Spent in Store: 20 minutes
Time I Would Have Spent if All Systems Were Go: 5 minutes
Nice Employees Encountered: 2 – they refunded my money cheerfully and were quick to help
Annoying Employees Encountered: 0
End Product: absolutely nothing
Why I Continue to Patronize Kinko’s: I might not! One of my coworkers recommended a place called Copymat, which is conveniently located 6 blocks from my place. They are amazing – fast, high-quality, and, best of all, cheap. I paid $1.18 for a tabloid-size color print – this would have cost $1.98 at Kinko’s. Rock on, Copymat…

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