- Experiencing a power outage while alone on an elevator
+Opting to get some exercise by walking up 17 flights of stairs, against building security’s orders, because milling about the lobby is so Waiting for Godot
- Arriving at the top of the stairs to find a locked door
+ Experiencing stranded office worker camaraderie back in the lobby. For instance:

‘”Let us not waste our time in idle discourse! (Pause. Vehemently.) Let us do something, while we have the chance! It is not every day that we are needed. But at this place, at this moment of time, all mankind is us, whether we like it or not. Let us make the most of it, before it is too late!”‘

- Realizing that climbing those stairs in heels might be hard on one’s knees
+ Using the existential experience as inspiration to post to one’s neglected blog

Setting: Branch X of Enormous Evil Bank, downtown San Francisco. There are two male tellers and one female teller. Janna is making a deposit at the female teller’s station.

Female Teller: (to Janna) Just swipe your card here …

Guy A: (loudly, to Guy B) So I think I’m gonna go over to [unnamed town across the Bay] this weekend.
Guy B: (equally loudly, in response) Oh, yeah. The girls over there are real slutty.
Guy A: Yeah, seriously. I always head over there when I’m looking for a good time.

Female Teller: (to Janna) Ok, here’s your receipt. Have a great day.
Janna: (in response) Um, yeah. You too. Maybe your day would actually go better if you locked the Misogynist Losers in the vault. Is it airtight?

The Apple IIc, circa 1984:

Photo courtesy digiTofu

Setting: December 2006, John F. Kennedy International Airport. Janna takes out her trusty PowerBook to see whether she can get a free wireless signal (ha!). An upper middle class man and his teenage son walk by.

Son: Hey, look, she’s got the Apple. Do you like the Apple?
Janna: Sure, it’s great. I love this computer.
Dad: What’s Apple? I’ve never heard of it.
Son: It’s this awesome new company …

Setting: A crowded car on the Richmond BART line, Thanksgiving afternoon. An uncomfortable captive audience looks on as a silent man is accosted by a drunk woman whose voice and demeanor are eerily reminiscent of Nancy’s in Sid and Nancy (”but Siiiiiiid! What about the farewell Dwuuuuuugs!?!”). The couple have a perhaps six-year old child and stroller-bound infant in tow.

Woman: I hate you, Larry. You’re such an asshole. Fuck you, Larry.

- Larry studies the stains in the nasty BART carpet -

Woman: I’ve given ten years of my life to you. Ten years of my —-

Child: Mommy?
Woman: (to child) Shush! I hate you!

- Child begins to cry -

Woman: Ten years. You’re such an asshole.

- Larry begins to wish he were a stain on a nasty BART carpet, instead of a human being with the capacity to be humiliated -

Woman: Rot in hell, Larry. Fuck you.

Woman sitting next to Janna: (to Janna) Happy fucking Thanksgiving, eh?
Janna: No kidding.

Narrator: The moral of this story: if no one yelled obscenities at you in a public place today, you have something to be grateful for.

Happy (belated) Thanksgiving from Project Janna. Give someone a hug today, and be glad you aren’t degraded by people you love. If you are, get help.

Setting: A bookstore in San Francisco, the US city with the second-highest rate of higher education.

Upper-Middle-Class Woman A: I want to find this book, called, I don’t know, Lolita, or something.
Woman B: What’s it about?
Woman A: I forget. I wonder what section it’s in.

(The women walk to an information kiosk to locate the mysterious text)

Janna: (thinking to herself) This will make a killer blog post.

The full moon the other night reminded me of an unfortunate but comical event dating back a few years. Watch the scene unfold:

Setting: A Friday afternoon at a hair salon in Champaign, Illinois. Janna is having her hair cut and highlighted before embarking on an eight-hour drive to Kansas City to attend a wedding. In the midst of putting foil wraps on Janna’s hair, her stylist, Kate, takes a phone call.

Kate: Oh hi, Maria! How’s your haircut working out?
-listens-
K: I’m sorry to hear that. I’d be happy to schedule a time for you to come in so we can rework it a little bit. How does Sunday around two sound?
-listens-
K: Wow, I had no idea. Well, listen, I’m with a client now, but I’ll have a break while her color sets. Can you be here in fifteen minutes or so?
-listens-
K: Great, see you then.
-hangs up-
K: (to Janna) That was another client, Maria. She doesn’t like the haircut she got the other day, so she wants to have it altered a little. But, um, it turns out she can’t have her hair cut during a full or waning moon. It’s bad luck or something. So she needs it done today. Don’t worry, It’ll only take a minute.
J: Um … huh. Yeah, OK.

-30 minutes later-

K: Maria! Great to see you! Let’s get to work.
M: Good. I have a lot of concerns about this.

-10 minutes later-

K: (to Janna) It’s time to rinse your color. I’ll just do this really quick and then finish Maria’s hair. It shouldn’t be long at all.
J: Good, because I really need to be out of here within the hour.
K: No problem.

-10 minutes later-

K: (to Maria) Here you go! Exactly what you asked for!
M: Hmmm. I guess this is right, but I don’t like it. I don’t think it’s flattering. Do you think it’s flattering?
K: Well, I’m not sure. It doesn’t quite fit the shape of your face. Janna, what do you think?
J: I think it looks awesome. I can’t think of a more flattering haircut. It’s perfect.
M: I’d like to try something else.
K: No problem.

Four hours after entering the salon, Janna emerges and travels across town to meet Sanjay and Rob, her Kansas City road trip crew.

S and R: WHAT THE FUCK!?!
J: This woman needed her hair cut before the full moon.

-blank, incredulous stares-

J: Yeah, that was my thought.
S: Who is that crazy?
J: I am pleased to say that I not only know the answer to that question, I have also met her in person.