This take has a decidedly European flavor:

Starbucks’s latest improvisation on Janna:

I wouldn’t mind as much if it was spelled Joplin-style, but this evokes a clingy screechiness no one should have to claim. Not even on a coffee cup.

A highlight of my workday is anticipating the latest Starbucks interpretation of my name. While Jana is the most common and most accurate attempt percentage-wise, Janet, Janis, Juana, and Denice have all made appearances, and I remain astounded at the steady onslaught of new variations.

Janna misspellings and mispronunciations are so common that I am actually rendered speechless when someone gets it right the first time. I pronounce the first a in my name as in aha! or aaaah, and the J as in Jell-O, not like Yanna or Hanna. However, the a as in rad mispronunciation is so common, I don’t even notice it. I have had many an awkward moment in which a friend finds out he or she has long been using the wrong a sound. For example:

Friend: Oh my God, I’ve been pronouncing your name wrong.
Me: What are you talking about? No, you haven’t.
Friend: You just said your name is Jaaah-nah. That’s not what I call you.
Me: Oh, umm…oops. My bad.

Now that I no longer have my sister to threaten bodily harm to people who call me by the wrong name, I need to work on that clarification thing.

I can understand a mispronunciation, but Starbucks employees almost always butcher my carefully enunciated spellings. This only serves to underscore the knowledge that I am getting a second-rate coffee experience on workdays. The coffee at Peet’s is so much better, and they cleverly disguise their identification system with computers so that you have no idea how they are spelling your name. Not only this, their system is actually unnecessary after a few visits because the (long-term!) employees remember who you are and greet you by name. Peets, are you listening? Downtown Oakland is calling you.