From the SFGate:

Apparently not much:

Sequence of events:

1. Driver locates prime parking spot, which is metered and therefore approximately 80% larger than his vehicle
2. Driver approaches the spot at a stunningly bad angle, but manages to pull in thanks to the insanely large nature of the space
3. Driver attempts to straighten out by pulling forward
4. Driver completes straightening out maneuver by backing up at a bizarrely high speed
5. Driver slams into the car behind him with a crash audible from at least a block away
6. Driver inexplicably moves forward until he is within one inch of the car in front, and well outside the bounds of his enormous parking space
7. Driver makes a weak karmic gesture by inspecting the bumper of the car behind him. He does not leave a note.

And who doesn’t need a Muppets fix here and there?

Meep meep meep meep meeeeeeep meep meep!

Dear Logan,

It is with great regret that I must inform you that my golden days of enjoying air travel are waning. With this is mind, I wish to relate to you afterthoughts from a recent experience in your airport.

• If a location exists within the airport that, theoretically, might be a place people would want to go, adequate signage is imperative. For example, if one’s goal is to reach “Terminal B”, it should be easily accessible from “Terminal A”. It is not acceptable to post several teaser signs only to have travelers arrive at a vast expanse of open space devoid of any further direction to “Terminal B”.
• All maps must include a “You Are Here” indicator.
• If “Gate 9b” exists within the elusive “Terminal B”, it is again wise to provide some guidance as to how to reach said location. This is useful in validating that the gate actually exists and is not a figment of the “Departures” screen’s imagination. It is not helpful to gleefully and repeatedly direct travelers toward “Gates 22-36″ and “Gates 37-73″ with no mention of gates 1-21.
• It is paramount that connecting travelers not be subjected to a second security check within the airport. This may result in the following: a) forgetting that one purchased a (greater than 3-ounce) bottle of juice, expecting to hold onto it until one was good and ready to drink it, and b) forgetting that one painstakingly packed toiletries in the required 3-ounce containers within the mandatory Ziploc™ bag, causing one to leave them in one’s bag and subsequently panic that one may be subjected to a Homeland Security interrogation, only to find that the security employees won’t even notice these errant items.
• It might be useful to train security check employees to be more selective about the interpretation of possibly lethal items. It is very, very frustrating to stand in Security Lane 1, which happens to be the only one open, only to hear the constant drone of “Bag check! Bag check on one!” It is also ironic when one’s potentially dangerous shampoo sails through the scanner without comment.
• Do not allow yuppie chains with names like “Curritos: Burritos WIthout Borders” to set up shop.
• Provide recycling bins.

In short, do not cause travelers to wander in circles desperately hoping that a magic trapdoor to “Gate B9b” will open, only to present the fabulous consolation prize of a second trip through security. Also, be more selective regarding dining options, and give people a non-landfill option for the disposal of plastic bottles containing juice rapidly chugged before the unexpected security visit.

Janna
Resigned Traveler

craigslist gems of the week:

• I am a late 20’s professional male looking for a cute girl to live in my 3 bedroom flat in North Beach and cook, clean and massage.
• NO FUCKING DRUGS, no PETS no VEGANS OR SMOKERS welcome please , I am open very easy going
• I’m a recently widowed, liberal, open-minded, bisexual, 33 year young, financially set, female who lives the alternate nudist/exhibitionist lifestyle … the only light duties that you will be required to do in exchange for FREE RENT living here are things like taking out the trash, skimming the pool, sweeping the garage, and driving my deceased husband’s Porsche 911 (which is parked in the garage) to keep the engine and tires in good condition.
• No pets, no republicans
• Rental range from $l,600 to $2,200 per month (suiting particular arrangements and perks) …This situation hosts quiet private accommodation for a guest, attached to a house with gracious (straight) gentlemen present
• You must be environmentally friendly and must NOT be a Bush supporter!
• $750 large room for rent girl only [funny only if you consider the colloquial definition of “rent boy” and imagine a gender swap]

Much of life is conducted online these days, at least in my demographic. I won’t ponder the positive and negative aspects of this (that’s a different post altogether), but I will say that I’ve recently had some weird experiences thanks to the internet.

The first issue involved a swipe at my own reputation. I’m officially over living alone, and looking into a roommate scenario. Thanks to rent-controlled existing leases and a skyrocketing market, the cheapest way to do this is to be the replacement roomie in an apartment that’s already occupied. Enter the world of endless emails to anonymous craigslist posters. Links to Facebook or MySpace profiles are considered a) useful; b) mandatory; or c) not required but “you might as well because we’ll look you up anyway”.

Under these circumstances, I’m assuming a Google search is likely as well. With this in mind, I decided to do a quick check on my own name. I was unhappy to discover that hit #1 was a blog post titled “Getting in Under 21″, in which the author had used one of my Flickr photos to illustrate a detailed explanation of how to evade various liquor-related laws. He had actually credited me for the image, which I greatly appreciate, but I’m not that interested in contributing to a crusade enabling underage drinking. I am also really, really not interested in having potential roommates think that’s my defining characteristic. With this in mind, I contacted the author, explained my situation, and he removed the photo credit.

Another recent experience involved someone else’s problem - a woman contacted me with a carefully veiled request to remove from Yelp my unflattering portrait of her business. As it happens, my description of a distasteful experience I had at her clothing boutique stands as my token scathing review. I described the situation in fairly objective terms (I was ignored by the owner while the only person in her small shop; she then fawned over a regular customer that walked in a bit later). I then described my feelings on the matter (angry; why do snobby people think they can make money trying to sell stuff?) and gave a low star rating.

The aloof owner herself messaged me, profusely apologizing and asserting that no one is ever treated that way in her store. She also said that she had never heard of Yelp, and that she was appalled to see such a bad review. I had a moment of guilt, and contemplated removing the post or adding an acknowledgment of her apology. However, the truth is that word of mouth has always been a crucial part of the success of a business. Treating customers badly comes back to haunt you. The difference here is that word of mouth is now searchable by anyone with an internet connection, and may stick around for years.

If there’s any moral to this post, I guess it is to Google your name and/or your business every once in a while. If you once made a habit of posting about your experiences on acid, you may find that you’ll need to change your name.

From the roommate wanted section of the San Francisco craigslist, titled “Looking for somebody to house sit for a year”:

Hey, the post is correct. I’m looking for someone in need of a room for a year in return for a fake marriage. You need to be between 30 and 40, white and bending the rules a little should not be a problem.

Given the cost of a San Francisco rental, this is a better deal than it may sound. Unfortunately for those interested in trading “love” for real estate, the post has been removed.